又被拒絕了

最近，我又被拒絕了。她說我是他其中一位好朋友，明顯的只是一句安慰的話，依然感覺心痛，爲什麽連一個自己喜歡的女孩都不能追到。

也許是我做得不夠多吧？或者是臉皮不夠厚？她拒絕我時，我告訴她，我會繼續追。可是，我並沒有信心能贏得她的心，那句話是因爲任性而抛下的。

朋友說，如果真的喜歡，靜靜的守候在她身邊，可是如果連接觸的空間都沒有的話，怎麽守候？我不懂。。

到現在我還是在怪自己的無能。。要怎麽樣才能讓她有感覺。。我不懂

典型的愛情故事

話説有一對互相傾慕的男女，男名傑，女名珍，他們從來都沒有親口讓對方知道其實喜歡對方。

有一天，珍告訴傑說，將會隨她現任男朋友到外國去，以後都不再回來了。傑聼了后，心中自然的有了一種苦澀的味道，他不想讓珍走，可是，卻不知道要如何表達心意。

珍希望傑會來到機場，可是過了許久，傑還是沒出現。珍覺得有點失望，她想見傑最後一面，心裏開始有了一些掙扎，畢竟，她最喜歡的人還是傑。

就在另一邊廂，傑正在店為珍準備她喜歡的蛋糕，蛋糕準備好了，該寫的祝福也寫了，可是一直都擱在桌上，他沒勇氣去見珍，只是沉靜的坐在一邊。這時，電話響起來了。

傑：“喂。”
珍：“我是珍，你沒來機場送我！”
傑愣了，“你不知道飛機上是不能打電話的嗎？”，傑說。
珍：“我不在飛機上，我回到麵包店了。”，珍哽咽了一下，說：“我很傻，到現在才發現，幸福是要自己爭取的，不過還好，至少我還來得及知道誰對我最好”

傑轉過了頭望去店門口，珍就站在那邊。傑二話不説，跑到了珍的面前，把她緊緊地擁在懷裏，告訴她說：“我其實不想你走，可是我沒勇氣告訴你，我喜歡你。一直以來，妳都很獨立自主，很少依靠別人，以後。。。”，傑哽咽了一下，“以後一定要依靠我多一點，讓我陪你一起走，好不好？”。珍哭得說不出話來，也只能哭著點頭。

要記得，愛情，是需要衝動的，沒有衝動，幸福不會自己來。有些人會想，我不想因爲一個女孩子而打亂了我生活的節奏。可是深入地想一想，任何事情都不會一直風平浪靜地走到最後，其中，必定會有一些漣漪。請把握現在，至少你曾經努力過啊！

海納百川，有容乃大

我在意什麽了？

今天，和Michelle和維珍在吃午飯時，剛好遇到了她。忽然閒，Michelle說：“她真的是人逢喜事精神爽”，我竟然在意起這句話了，打趣地問了一句：“她有什麽喜事？” Michelle 卻有意似無意地說：“遇見我就已經是喜事了”。我開始了解了，原來她有男朋友了。

吃著飯時，聼他們說著說著，越來越聼不下去了，找個藉口說要吃葯溜開了。

其實我在意的不是說她找到男朋友了，只是，爲什麽不要直接告訴我？

是我太小氣了嗎？我真得不能忍受這種對待，明明是朋友，可是卻像隔了層模似的。

海納百川，有容乃大

戀愛症候群

今天，我忽然發覺我自己，有一種傾向。這傾向應該是很多人都有的毛病，每當你喜歡一個女孩子時，你真的可以包容她的一切，儘管你知道有一些東西是不好的。可是被拒絕之後，就開始發覺她其實不怎麽樣，還會發覺她不是你喜歡的類型。

當初，喜歡上了一個女孩子，她的脾氣不好，態度不好，可是，在我眼裏都不覺得怎樣，直到我被拒絕了，我才發覺，其實她不是我要的類型。這是酸葡萄效應在作祟嗎？我不覺得，反而會覺得，一個人喜歡上另一個人后，總是選擇包容，以致蒙蔽了雙眼。

現在開始，我以時時刻刻都要提醒自己，要追求女孩子一定要弄清楚合不合適，不要就只爲了喜歡而喜歡。有點神經質了，明明喜歡她，卻又害怕，害怕被拒絕，害怕保護不了她，害怕不適合，種種的心理讓我覺得自己很無能。卻又不能不承認我真的沒追女孩子的能力。

這次的韓國行。。。 如果失敗，那我情願一直在她身邊，做她的好朋友，風雨不改。這句話説來好聽，以現在的情況來看，我們連朋友都談不上，除了在公司見面，就沒有什麽機會接觸了，這感情能維持多久，我很懷疑。

我突然很想告訴她說：“維珍，我開始喜歡你了！你有沒有一丁點的喜歡我？”

海納百川，有容乃大

心儀對象

就在我第一天上班的時候，見到了一位女同事，超親切的。她還親自來告訴我說她住在哪兒，這真得讓我很開心，剛好她又是我喜歡的那類型。後來，得知名花已經有主，我也就打消了追求她的念頭。

就在前兩個星期，我得知她已經分手了，心裏想著自己有機會了，我真的是夠傻的了，原來她一直還在等待男朋友的挽回，只是那男的一直都沒行動。

最近，不知怎麽的，再msn上看見她，也不敢和她打招呼，因爲害怕會打擾她。心裏是這樣想的，如果她想和我談話的話，她應該是會自動來找我吧。

對於和她的發展，我沒有抱太大的希望，畢竟她大我一嵗，女孩子應該都會介意男朋友是個小孩吧。一切都順其自然吧，理智上來説，我比較想先搞好家裏的經濟狀況，才來談感情，一方面自己也還沒有準備和沒有本事。我指的是追求女孩子。

海納百川，有容乃大

一個小故事

已經很久沒上來了，今天就寫一個小故事吧！真人真事改編。

從前，有個孩子，名叫阿屆。他天生就是一個好玩性格的人，喜歡開玩笑，講冷笑話，雖然每次都不好笑。幼稚園時期的他和他的哥哥很要好，一齊上幼稚園，一起買樹膠糖來吃。可是後來的感情可説是冷過水。小學時期，他想辦生日會，可是爸爸媽媽都沒有幫他辦，可是卻替哥哥辦；他想和老師同學們去畢業旅行，媽媽不讓他去，可是哥哥卻在上一年到新加坡。這些事情被他看在眼裏，覺得很不爽，記仇記到現在，他的妒忌心是超重的。

他是一個喜歡幻想的人，幻想自己是打救世界的英雄，也就因爲這樣，他常常被人嘲笑說他幼稚。和人説話時總是說些有的沒有的，稍微有一點點常識的都會嘲笑他，就連他哥哥也不例外。這也導致了他不喜歡和別人説話。不喜歡人多的地方，卻又不喜歡獨自一個人，心情總是矛盾的。

性格害羞的他很容易就喜歡上女孩子，可是從來都沒有真正努力的去追女孩子，所以每次的表白都是碰釘。曾經有一次，他還沒付出過什麽，以爲那女孩對他有意思了，想著說買條項鏈讓她開心，然後向她表白，最後得到的卻是一句：“你知道這是不可能的，對不對？”。這一句話讓這男的馬上打退堂鼓，不在和那女的有什麽親密動作，免得自作多情。後來，這男的想說：“我們還能做朋友吧？”，就開始和那女的有說有笑起來了。有一次，這男的因爲好玩的性格，惹得那女的生氣了，竟然抛下一句：“你真的是一個小孩子！（很幼稚！）”。這一句話就有如十顆廣島原爆的原子彈，撼入心中。原本只想那女的只是普通的不喜歡她，沒想到是這一原因，他決定徹底的放棄了，那女的點中了他的死穴，他終于不再理會那女孩了。

那女的最後好像也看出了一些端倪，可是對她來說也不算什麽，因爲她從來就不需要這男的作他的朋友。她曾經當著這男子的面前，告訴別人秘密，卻也不許這男的知道，世上有這樣的朋友而你又能忍受他的，相信你一定是看破紅塵，經歷數十載人生了吧！

海納百川，有容乃大

Interview

It is so hot today, I just back from an interview in Cyberjaya, The interview start from 10am.

Why I went to this interview?? I also don't know why, it is because the headhunter ngieh ngieh arrange an interview for me. Sian, since she insists, I let her to arrange la...

Anyway, the interview is smooth when I am in Technical interview, but not when I am in HR interview... She is shocked when she saw my expected join date: Dec 2008, hahaha... I think the headhunter will kena this time...

My team members are leaving, I have to leave as well to pursue my career.

Possibility is everywhere.

Penang Trip

I have been in Penang last weekend, it is nice and tired experience. I drive for 5 hours from KL 10pm and arrive at 4pm to my friend's house. The second day, we have to wake up at 7am to walk around Penang Island. Kek Lok Si, Bukit Bendera and some other places.

Let's look at my album.


Possibility is everywhere.

Super Combo

Feeling down all these while, news coming like KOF98 super combo, comes after another. The first thing was my team lead is leaving. Now I got news that a Korea Project is looking for me as their programmer, this project required me to be on site, 3 weeks a month. This should be a good news, but it happened to crash with my Redang trip which I just planned the week before I got this news.

For Korea, I have been worry for the Redang trip, but I have told my friends that I cannot join them, luckily we haven't book for air ticket. Another thing I have been worried is Korea is in summer season, damn hot man!! I don't even know who I gonna work with in the project. There are some pros and cons, I can learn new thing in this project, like warehouse management system, but I do not know what is the job extent.

Another thing is that, I got a call from a headhunter, asking me whether want to leave to another company. I told her that I don't want to leave first because I just got my increment and promotion, but heard like she is so keen to get this interview done so that she can get commission from there. OK lo, I accepted her arrangement for interview, since she say I can get at least 50% more salary from what I have now. The interview will be held in next Tuesday. Think this interview not gonna succeed because I would like to go to Korea for 3 months, if I wanna quit from here, at least 3 months notice period, do you think the company will wait for so long? I just want to see how much I can get this time, and what is the world looks like outside from here.

1 more thing, I just got a news about another colleague leaving, so sad that everybody is leaving, I'll be the last permanent staff in our team if this happen. But I don't have any evidence, just got the news from another colleague, but his news is always accurate, so worry what will happen next.

Anyway, I have to grow, I cannot be so pessimistic to my future, back to the ground, if I can't take this much, I will leave and find somewhere fit to me. Everything should have the first time.

Possibility is everywhere.

Decode Japanese

I am so excited today. In the afternoon, I am reading a Japanese cookbook, I found some sentence that combined together, and I finally decoded it. I am a person like to ask why, why this, why that. Whenever I saw a phrase, I will try to break it down into component, to find out why this phrase mean this.

For example, I found this today.
ペンで書かなければなりません - Means It is not OK if you don't use pen to write.

The cookbook told me when never you want to express this, you can use this kind of sentence.
ペンで書か - なければなりません
First part of the sentence is make up from a verb. ペンで書く - Use(で) pen(ペン) to write(書く) , and the second part of the sentence carry out the meaning "It is not OK if you don't". OK, this is where I start puzzled.

I tried to find out why and I got the answer:
なければ is from the word ない, なければ is the Possible Form of ない, which mean "If don't". なりません is from the word 成る, なりません is the Negative Form of 成る, which mean "It is not OK". So, if you combine together, you will get the meaning "It is not OK if you don't". :D

As a conclusion, whenever there is a phrase, there must be a hidden meaning that make up from a very basic term/word. I will keep on find out why for other phrases.

Possibility is everywhere.

Save Our Environment

Today, I want to collect some grass from a corner house and plant in my house yard. I took a hoe and move. I tried to dig a small part of grass from the land. Of course, the grass is nice looking. But, when I discovered the bottom, I found there is a lot of petroleum product, plastic bottle, plastic bag, which will not rotten in land. I feel so sad, why do they throw without thinking about the environment?

I have a dream, I want to organize a movement to make our environment clean, at least my "Taman", I will call for peoples, as many as possible, who have this kind passion. I really hope that with this movement, I can influence and reform a person thinking, they may discipline themselves not to do this anymore.

Anyone who have this kind of passion, please let me know.

Possibility is everywhere.

Increment Letter

According to our HR policy, we will get our increment in April and promotion (in case there is any) in August. Yesterday is 9th of April, I have been keen to know when will the increment letter will get distributed. I went to my big boss and asked him about this, he said, formally, this letter will be distributed in next Monday. But next Tuesday will be the day we get our salary, what is the point? Anyway, I don't ask anymore and go back to my workplace.

Today, what a lousy day, I got nothing to do again, surf net, check program for somebody and some trivial things. Suddenly, I feel somebody shaking my chair, I turn around and I see my big boss standing behind, he hinted me to follow him to his desk.

Once there, he pass me a letter, and tell me congratulations. Actually I knew this, my line manager told me. I am nervous to know how much increment do I get. The minutes I discovered the numbers, I feel a bit disappointed because I expected higher increment. But this is still acceptable since I am still new.

After this, I tell my line manager that I got the letter and I know the news that I got promoted. My line manager tell me that I deserved it, I thought she did shortlisted me for promotion, but not after she told me the truth. And the funny thing is that, she hope I don't get mad at her, LoL.

I am so happy that she told me all this thing, and she couched me in SAP line. Although she is leaving in May, I still want to say, she is a very good boss.

Possibility is everywhere.

一場小地震

今天一大早，聽到同事們正在議論紛紛，關於另一位同事要走的事，可是沒人知道到底是哪一個，因爲公司裏頭有兩個同名同姓的人。可是，最大的破綻就在這一位同事是做有關技術性的工作，心裏有數了，可是卻不太相信。

午餐時間，在座的每個又在討論了，最後是三票對三票，一隊人馬猜是從事管理工作的那一位，另一隊人馬就猜是從事技術性工作的，也就是我老闆。大家的賭注都是五塊錢，簡單快捷。

後來我們想想，這樣好象不對，如果那人比較遲離開，那不是沒錢分了？也沒辦法，只好等消息。過了整個下午，答案終于揭曉了，老闆把我和另一位同事叫進去議事廰，開始說了：“我知道剛剛好多人都在猜説到底是誰會離開，我也覺得這樣瞞著你們對你們不公平，不必再猜了，那個人是我。”

聽見這個消息，開始擔心了，今後何去何從，老闆走后，就沒人cc（注1）了。我的心理也是知道老闆對管理層的不滿，可是沒想到他還是決定離開了，我也輸了我的五塊錢。明天還要和別人分享這件事，不知道該怎麽開口。

是時候我也該想想我到底要做什麽了，繼續留下還是該前進了？現在還沒有答案。

注1：cc 的意思是 cover caceng （屁股）

海納百川，有容乃大

關於恐懼

恐懼，是人類與生俱來的感覺。從小開始，我們就被訓練承膽小的一群。首先，看看我們的父母如何教導我們，“你如果不聽話，我叫Anene來抓你”，這句話絕對是耳熟能祥。或者說：“你看！警察要來捉你了”。不過這些都不是重點。

其實很多人都會對自己沒見過的東西產生恐懼，就比如説，“鬼”。首先，很多人對鬼的印象都是很恐怖的那一種，所以，古代就有這麽一句話：“敬鬼神而遠之”。

說一說我們的大腦吧，我們的腦就如一部攪拌機，你把蘋果放進去攪，絕對不會得到橙汁。同樣的道理，若我們從來沒見過鬼，我們只能凴腦海中的想象來評估鬼出現時會是什麽樣子，由於太多的不確定因素，導致我們慌張，擧個例子，若你老闆要你叫一份文件出來，可是你手上的資料不足，沒辦法把文件辦妥，而你也沒其他地方可以找到資料，你自然而然的慌了，或是說，你開始感到恐懼了。

所以說，凡是必須做好準備，你手上有足夠的資料時，就不會擔心/害怕被炒魷魚。同樣的道理，如果沒看過鬼，不不去想他的種種，因爲它不一定會出現。平時，接觸多一些書籍，補充自己的知識，這樣能讓我們對事情有更多地了解，就不至於自己因爲不確定因素而慌。

海納百川，有容乃大

To have seafood Bak Kut Teh

Mary, Pig head & Black nose start barking down stair, I can't continue my dream and woke up at 6.30a.m. After I brushed my teeth, I have bring them out because they are having natural call. While bringing them to the old place where they settle usually, I jog with them, same after they finished their business.

Today is the first day of third month in Lunar Calendar, my mother is preparing all the thing for worship. I have to help her out because we are short in time, I promised parents that I will buy them Bak Kut Teh in Klang today，the shop will closed after 9.30a.m. and the time now is already 7.30a.m. From our house to Klang required 45-60 minutes ride.

In order to make sure that we can have our breakfast there, my father called the shopkeeper, tell them we are from Kuantan and made a booking, fortunately the shop accept phone booking ;)

After everything settled, it is already 8.30a.m. I drive all the way 100km/h to Klang, because today is holiday, we are able to make it at 9.15a.m. There are a lot of people in the shop, while some of them are waiting for seat. I feel amazing to myself, why I would want to drive all the way here and wait for seat just for the Seafood Bak Kut Teh.

At the end, the Bak Kut Teh is not very outstanding compared to other. Got a bit regret la... :D

Possibility is everywhere.

馬來西亞的民主

先說一說馬來西亞的制度。馬來西亞是君主立憲制，有高高在上的最高元首，擺美的那種。最高元首是由九個蘇丹或拉惹（奇怪爲什麽不叫大王）輪流上任，每五年換一次。有人會問剩下的四個州，剩下的四個州就是沒有蘇丹咯。

馬來西亞實行的是三權分立，就是説立法，行政和司法三權必須平等，已達到制衡之目的。國會就是立法權，等於臺灣的立法委員會，立新法，改舊法，全都在這裡達成。政府就是行政權，馬來西亞現在的中央政府是國民陣綫（囯陣），他們就有行政權。司法權，說的就是法官和法院，你要起訴任何人，那人有沒有罪，都是在這裡通過。

從國家獨立開始，立法權就已經不再獨立，馬來西亞的中央政府這五十年來都是有囯陣掌權，幾乎所有人都認爲囯陣就是政府。囯陣一直以來都坐擁三分之二的國會議席，也就是如果行政權在憲法的限制下而不能執行一些不利民的政策時，可以更改憲法，因爲憲法規定，議案必須有三分之二的議員贊成，才能通過，而囯陣就有了這項優惠。

從一九八八年起，司法權已不再獨立，因爲已經被囊括在首相署的麾下，也就是說，法官們都必須看某些人的臉色判案。

自從一九九九年起，人民開始對囯陣的施政態度，或説是他們的政策，都有不滿。那一屆大選，有人提出訴求，有人要求改革。當時的首相答應了訴求（最後沒實現），以致人們都對他們投下了信任票。當時年輕一輩都還沒夠嵗投票。

二零零四年，終于換了首相，人民全都對這一位首相有所期待，投下了信任票，結果囯陣大勝利，坐擁國會超過九成的議席。

二零零八年，由於互聯網大量的資訊（當今大馬，獨立新聞在綫，佳禮論壇，Raja Petra部落等等）、沒有強人統治（馬哈蒂）、年輕一代的崛起（八零年代出生的大都不信任現任政府，加上沒有對五一三的恐懼）、安華的策劃（全部選區都是一對一，除了一些獨立人士）等等，終于改變了馬來西亞的政治版圖，反對黨在五個州執政了。

這個現象，已經造成了某些人的憂慮，擔心這次做得太過火，對囯陣還留有一綫希望的人會在下一屆大量的對囯陣投信任票。對我來說，這正是一個時候看看當初的反對黨有多少分量，當初吵吵囔囔說什麽沒有執政機會的，現在人民都對你投信任票了，看你能做出什麽成績。

這一次的改變，囯陣裏有很多人都在推卸責任。一群窩囊廢，就是不敢擡頭面對失敗，把國家交給一群不懂得思過的人，國家還會有明天嗎？（雖然說他們現在還是中央政府）昨天還宣佈了油价要再調漲。堂堂石油輸出國竟然沒辦法降低油价，還要倒貼。倒是反對黨已經宣佈了一些利民政策，例如水費和永久地契。

最近我也到了佳禮中文論壇見識見識。在那裏，你會發現囯陣還是有忠實粉絲的（雖然有九成在反囯陣政府），有些人爲了支持而支持，每當有人提出一些中立的説法，或者是反對黨的弊端時，總是會被砲轟，這些人很多時候都被說成是囯陣施政下的受益人，現在沒辦法得利了，就在論壇裏胡言亂語，沒辦法，忠言逆耳。然而，每當看到一些人抹黑反對黨，卻提不出有力的證據時，只是一味地說他要囯陣政府，這些人，真的是白癡到沒人想理他。在這論壇裏我學到了一些新詞，比如説，箭青（火箭青年團），2750（囯陣槍手，薪水是兩千七百五十），挺好聽的。

怎麽說都好，我覺得爲了支持而支持或爲了反對而反對都不是好事，嚴重起來會造成暴力事件。我所堅持的是，任何一個黨都不能擁有太大權力，讓他們剛剛好執政就好，三分之二議席，讓我們把它掃進歷史。最理想的是建立聯合政府，沒人坐大，互相制衡，你們做不好，我們就換人做。

人民思想的轉變已經恢復了立法權的獨立性，囯陣已經失去三分之二議席的優勢，不能再隨隨便便更改憲法了。接下來我們要做就是恢復司法獨立和地方選舉，讓馬來西亞的民主真正的茁壯成長，讓我們可以光榮的告訴新加坡人：“我們已經達到政黨輪替，你們還要等到什麽時候？”

海納百川，有容乃大

Thinking Out of The Box

I have joined a management course in previous week, it is a 2 days course, on Thursday and Friday. Same as the title of this post, the title of the course named Thinking Out of The Box. I am very much looking forward into this course because of the name, sure I will have different experience compare with other courses I have attended before.

It talks all about thinking, brain function, memory, the right way to solve a problem. Why do we need to think about thinking while we don't have to think when we breathe, walk and talk? This is because we want to utilized our intelligent, intelligent can be likened to the engine of a car, thinking process is the driver, how you utilize the power of a car is how you think.

The origin of thinking is come from The Gang of Three, they are Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. Socrates emphasized that after you attacked a question with all those bad, it will only have the truth. This is like what most people are doing now to the government, they point out what is wrong with the policy, without any constructive opinion. With this kind of thinking, we can only think of the bad and we won't go for constructive idea.

Plato believe there is always a truth if you really look hard into it, means you have to stand tough enough for your target, this kind of thinking is like you seldom accept different opinion, just like what our Prime Minister doing right now, he don't even know what the peoples want.

Aristotle, he is a very logical person, everything is based on experience, box is square, ball is round. This kind of thinking can be likened to those stubborn politician these day, they insist there must have quota(this means they can go in easily without challenge) for certain races in University, in fact, they can actually train those races to be more competitive. This kind of thinking may not think of any gray area, either is or is not.

OK, that's what I have today, let's talk about the rest in next post.

Possibility is everywhere.

I learn Japanese Language

All these while I has been thinking to go Japan one day, this thought driving me to learn Japanese Language. Recently, I read Japanese cookbook which I got from my father, everyday after work. Day after day, I have some basic on this "very nice" language.

To accelerate my study, I have been looking around on the Net for forum or Japanese classroom online. I found some very good website, they teach with normal lesson as well as multimedia. After some days, I found myself getting lazy and lost direction due to how easy a website can provide me so much information, they provide dictionary, a vocab notebook, blog, and a lot more. I tell myself, back to the traditional way, I study from books, train myself on how to collect all vocab into my brain/memory, following this way, I feel better and learn better.

Sometimes, I will have a thought, why don't I try to write blog using Japanese, so that I can practice on what I have learned? When I start to think of the first sentence, I found that my vocabulary for Japanese is so little until I can't even write a complete sentence on my own.

Without trying, nothing will happen. Although writing in Japanese is a difficulty for myself, I will still try to write one but not now. Edison found electric light with thousand times of trying and failing. For the time being, I would like to study more on their grammar and collect more vocab. The day is getting nearer, wish me, I can do it!~

私はがんばっています、あなたもね！

Possibility is everywhere.